Take Your Child to Work Day is fast approaching — April 22 will be upon us before you know it. Chances are, your place of employment is already making plans to host and entertain more than the usual number of immature people who show up for work every day.
We can think of one certain parent who won’t be taking either of his kids to work on that day (assuming this particular air traffic controller is reinstated by then). But there are plenty of occupations that don’t “show” well, aren’t kid-friendly and, frankly, like a sausage factory or how a bill becomes law, nobody needs to see.
Here are GeekDad’s Top 10 jobs that should not host a Take Your Child to Work Day:
10) Work-From-Home Parent
Let’s face it, you’re desperately waiting for the “Please Take my Kids to your Work Day.” Say it loud, say it proud. (hat tip Johnathan Liu)
9) “Adult” industries
Pretty much anywhere you’re taking your clothes off for money. Unless you like hearing “Why are those women kissing each other?” and “Hey — that’s not my Dad [expletive deleted] my Mom!” or — well, you get the idea. (hat-tip Matt Blum)
Most young kids are afraid of the dark. Do you really want to subject them to being dropped hundreds of feet underground for hours and hours? (hat-tip Matt Blum)
7) Taxi driver
Of course, maybe you like fielding such comments as “Dad, this guy smells funny,” or “Why did he just give you the finger?” or exposing your kid to such banter as “Get off the phone when you’re driving!” or “Sure I can make change for a fifty. I’ve got pennies, dimes, and nickels.”
6) Underwater demolition expert
While not a job for a lot of chitchat, and assuming you can get your child fitted with the appropriate dive gear, do you want your son/daughter going after the cute fishie that is now swimming toward the depth charges you’ve set and will be going off in 5… 4… 3…
5) Professional blogger
You sit at the laptop and piss away hours doing “research” while trying to drink your half-caf soy-milk mocha latte with a hint of cinnamon at Starbucks. You’ll get comments and questions like “I’m bored” (join the club, kid) and “Can I play Club Penguin when you go to the bathroom?” and “What does coffee taste like?” And nobody needs to know about the harmless flirting you do with that 20-something barista who thinks you’re hysterical.
4) Disney World Mascot
This one is all about protecting the last shred of dignity you may have. Your job is to “Create the Magic” for hundreds of children and adults visiting the park while sweating buckets inside a hot costume in the midday Florida sun, but instead you’ll have a tag-along saying “That’s not Minnie Mouse, that’s my Mom!” and “Can I be in the picture, too?” and “When do we get to go on the rides?’
3) Apple factory worker
Because it is not “Bring Your Parents to Work Day”
2) Victoria’s Secret bra fitter
Chances are you have enough sense not to take your son of any age above 3 to this job site. And maybe your kids are comfortable with you flitting around the house in your employee-discount clothing (*cough* Shia LeBeouf *cough*). But do you really want your customers to hear: “Is that the lady you said didn’t have real ones?”
1) Air traffic controller
OK, this year it’s easy to pick a winner. Your kid may have an experience that lasts a lifetime telling a former Navy fighter pilot: “Jet Blue 171, clear for takeoff,” but you may have an experience that lasts a lifetime too: unemployment.
Got any better ideas? Leave a suggestion in the comments.
Photo: Yodel Anecdotal/Flickr